The Inner Me

Saturday 27 August 2022 Love Consumes Me Funny isn’t it. Can love actually consume a person with an iron will and rock hard determination? Well, it’s like a poison which acts slowly but fatally. But it does work. My love for every little thing, some of them so very trifle that they might as well be ignored by the next person. My love for every great author, every famous personality who inspires me, every fandom, my love for every song on my playlist and my limerence for her; it overpowers me. It is consuming me from inside, devouring my energies and my spirits. The very thought of ‘love’ distracts me. And yet I am impertinent enough to dream that one day, I’d become a critically acclaimed romantic author. And at such times, one seeks liberosis. It overpowered me this morning too. It made me do something, had always been hesitant to do and yet had always looked forward to: talking to a girl of my age! It might sound like nonsense to you but it wasn’t that easy for me. I was pretty late ...

  TW: Life All this pain around me, it saddens me. Why is nobody happy? Why is it always little transitory moments of peace and not a wide smile plastered on every face, always? I write for validation. But today, I pick this pen and write because I see no other means out of this internal hell I am in. I am not happy either by does that even need to be said? Bound by shackles that tear through the very fabric of life, I see no peace, only an eternal struggle against everything we consider familiar. I am crying as I write this. I don’t cry often, and these days, even when I do, it is a forced coercion of tears, an outward force, instead of something that occurs spontaneously as it once used to.  I’ve never been good at crying. I write this because I won’t be able to express any of these feelings to anyone who would care enough and knows how to deal with whatever I’m going through, anytime soon. I don’t journal but today, this feels more journal-y than anything I’ve ever written ...